THE King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their
throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them—all sorts
of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave
was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard
him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and
a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a
table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made
Alice quite hungry to look at them—"I wish they'd get the trial done,"
she thought, "and hand round the refreshments!" But there seemed
to be no chance of this, so she began looking about her, to pass away the
Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. "That's the judge," she said to herself, "because of his great wig."
judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the wig, he
did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
that's the jury-box," thought Alice, "and those twelve creatures,"
(she was obliged to say "creatures," you see, because some of them
were animals, and some were birds,) "I suppose they are the jurors."
She said this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather
proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of
her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, "jurymen" would
have done just as well.
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. "What are they all doing?" Alice whispered to the Gryphon. "They can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun."
down their names," the Gryphon whispered in reply, "for fear they
should forget them before the end of the trial."
things!" Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped
hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out "Silence in the court!"
and the King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to see who
Alice could see, as well as if she
were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down
"stupid things!" on their slates, and she could even make out that
one of them didn't know how to spell "stupid," and that he had to
ask his neighbour to tell him. "A nice muddle their slates will be in
before the trial's over!" thought Alice.
of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This, of course, Alice could not
stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found
an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little
juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of
it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one
finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little use, as it left
no mark on the slate.
"Herald, read the
accusation!" said the King.
On this the
White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the
parchment scroll, and read as follows:
Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!"
"Consider your verdict," the King said to the jury.
yet, not yet!" the Rabbit hastily interrupted. "There's a great
deal to come before that!"
first witness," said the King; and the Rabbit blew three blasts on the
trumpet, and called out "First witness!"
first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a
piece of bread-and-butter in the other. "I beg pardon, your Majesty,"
he began, "for bringing these in; but I hadn't quite finished my tea
when I was sent for."
"You ought to
have finished," said the King. "When did you begin?"
Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court,
arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. "Fourteenth of March, I think it was,"
"Fifteenth," said the March
"Sixteenth," said the Dormouse.
the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates
on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings
"Take off your hat," the
King said to the Hatter.
"It isn't mine,"
said the Hatter.
"Stolen!" the King
exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact.
keep them to sell," the Hatter added as an explanation: "I've none
of my own. I'm a hatter."
Here the Queen
put on her spectacles, and began staring hard at the Hatter, who turned pale
"Give your evidence,"
said the King; "and don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.
Just at this
moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a good deal
until she made out what it was: she was beginning to grow larger again, and
she thought at first she would get up and leave the court; but on second
thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for
"I wish you wouldn't squeeze so,"
said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. "I can hardly breathe."
can't help it," said Alice very meekly: "I'm growing."
no right to grow here," said the Dormouse.
talk nonsense," said Alice more boldly: "you know you're growing
"Yes, but I grow at a
reasonable pace," said the Dormouse; "not in that ridiculous
fashion." And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side
of the court.
All this time the Queen had never
left off staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court,
she said to one of the officers of the court, "Bring me the list of the
singers in the last concert!" on which the wretched Hatter trembled so,
that he shook off both his shoes.
your evidence," the King repeated angrily, "or I'll have you
executed, whether you're nervous or not."
a poor man, your Majesty," the Hatter began, in a trembling voice,
"—and I hadn't begun my tea—not above a week or so—and what with the
bread-and-butter getting so thin—and the twinkling of the tea——"
twinkling of what?" said the King.
began with the tea," the Hatter replied.
course twinkling begins with a T!" said the King sharply. "Do you
take me for a dunce? Go on!"
poor man," the Hatter went on, "and most things twinkled after
that—only the March Hare said——"
didn't!" the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
did!" said the Hatter.
"I deny it!"
said the March Hare.
"He denies it,"
said the King: "leave out that part."
at any rate, the Dormouse said——" the Hatter went on, looking anxiously
round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied nothing, being
"After that," continued
the Hatter, "I cut some more bread-and-butter——"
what did the Dormouse say?" one of the jury asked.
I can't remember," said the Hatter.
must remember," remarked the King, "or I'll have you executed."
miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went down on
one knee. "I'm a poor man, your Majesty," he began.
"You're a very poor speaker," said the King.
Here one of the
guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it was
done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings:
into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)
glad I've seen that done," thought Alice. "I've so often read in
the newspapers, at the end of trials, 'There was some attempt at applause,
which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court,' and I never
understood what it meant till now."
that's all you know about it, you may stand down," continued the King.
can't go no lower," said the Hatter: "I'm on the floor, as it is."
you may sit down," the King replied.
the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
that finishes the guinea-pigs!" thought Alice. "Now we shall get
"I'd rather finish my
tea," said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the Queen, who was
reading the list of singers.
"You may go,"
said the King; and the Hatter hurriedly left the court, without even waiting
to put his shoes on.
"—and just take his
head off outside," the Queen added to one of the officers; but the
Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the door.
the next witness!" said the King.
witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and
Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the court, by the way the
people near the door began sneezing all at once.
your evidence," said the King.
said the cook.
The King looked anxiously at the
White Rabbit, who said in a low voice, "Your Majesty must cross-examine
"Well, if I must, I
must," the King said with a melancholy air, and, after folding his arms
and frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in
a deep voice, "What are tarts made of?"
mostly," said the cook.
said a sleepy voice behind her.
"Collar that Dormouse," the Queen shrieked out. "Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers."
For some minutes the whole
court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time
they had settled down again, the cook had disappeared.
mind!" said the King, with an air of great relief. "Call the next
witness." And he added in an undertone to the Queen, "Really, my
dear, you must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead
Alice watched the White Rabbit as
he fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness
would be like, "—for they haven't got much evidence yet," she said
to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top
of his shrill little voice, the name "Alice!"